Back to the ocean. An entire paradise just for me this morning. I found myself thinking over and over, “In my life, all is well.”
A voice was blasting my senses, “A song only you can hear.” I could feel the excitement building up. The sun alternated with the clouds to match my emotions, as my mind went from peace to fear, from voices to profound presence.
While nothing seemed to truly change but passing clouds, reality was different. Every second gave life to a different universe. Every moment became magical with its little whispers, maybe the colors in the sky or the pelicans flying over me, my sensations, the voice… nothing stayed the same. My moments were quickly transforming into memories. I could not hold onto them. I was losing them all.
Forever was not forever …
My mind, perceiving the passing of time, was so strong. Moving fast, leaving marks.
The clouds became thick. My silent guardian, the sun, was leaving me slowly.
Who will save me through the coming rain, the tropical storm? I imagined someone beyond the shore, observing my adventure across the water. Watching my steps, caring for me. But who does that in the age of screens and virtual living, overloaded with the digital world — very unlikely anyone would watch. Maybe an old soul. I can hear her voice. “Look at her, she went far, too far … oh no, she doesn’t move. She is gone.”
So dramatic, so essentially me.
At that moment, I surrendered to the water to hear my own song. I blended with the powerful world under me.
I started to feel the rain on my back, then the sunlight slightly returned. I kept breathing closer to my purpose. I kept trusting. I will find that song, my love. The song you speak of in your voice. I will find the sand beneath my feet. I will feel the feeling of having conquered again. That feeling is a feeling I live for. I’ve done it myself; I’ve done it again.
Now I stand in the sand, looking back to my young past. Remembering, smiling at the ways I felt, how I got lost and found myself again and again. How my fear guided my way. An eternal cycle of living in hope while tasting the risk. Finding the song, only I will be able to hear.
